Q & R with Greg Albrecht – “How can I show love and compassion without condoning specific behavior?”

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Question:

My cousin had a child out of wedlock. Some time after the birth, my family had a baby shower for her. My father, who is Christian, did not feel it was right for him to attend due to the fact that the baby was born out of wedlock, and believed his attendance would only show that he tolerated this behavior.

However, at the same time my father attended a funeral for a close friend of the family who committed suicide. I feel that he should have given the same support that he gave to a friend of the family to my cousin. I hate to compare and contrast sins, but isn’t it rather hypocritical of him?

Response:

Your question seems to be this: if we attend an event with or have any kind of social contact with someone, does our presence communicate our agreement with their lifestyle and all of their specific behaviors? When Jesus initiated a conversation with a sinful woman by the well (John 4), did he intend that his conversation with her be taken as his approval of her past (she had lived with many men) or her present lifestyle (she was at the time living with another man)? By attending dinners in the homes of self-righteous religious people, was Jesus supporting them? Jesus’ actions in allowing people to “touch” him, such as lepers and the woman who let down her hair and washed his feet with it, scandalized “good” people.

We will not change people—we will not change their minds by boycotting a social occasion, particularly the events you describe. In such cases, surely we should ask ourselves why our actions are at odds with what it would seem that Jesus would do, according to the Bible.

We cannot let the light of Jesus shine through us if we hide it, or in the words of Jesus, if we light our lamp and put it under a container of some kind (Matthew 5:15). We certainly can’t help direct them to the glorious light of Christ if all they feel we do is condemn them.

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